Part of the ‘Not Quite What You Meant’ series

By: Ezra Nadav

In today’s latest installment of “Words That Will End Your Career,” saying “Good morning” has now been deemed a microaggression in certain corners of the internet.

Apparently, greeting your coworkers with a cheerful salutation before 9am is now considered a violent imposition of mood, a toxic display of morning privilege, and deeply problematic for those still emotionally recovering from waking up.

One HR department issued a memo stating:

“We encourage staff to begin the day with silent eye contact or a mutually affirmed grunt. Please refrain from using assumptive language such as ‘good,’ as it may not reflect everyone’s lived experience of mornings.”

An unnamed employee was nearly disciplined for saying “Happy Monday”—an act now classified as verbal manspreading.

Sources report that staff are now tiptoeing into the office, communicating exclusively via interpretive eyebrow raises and the safe tapping of Slack emojis.

What’s next? “Bless you” becomes spiritual coercion? “Take care” rebranded as a passive-aggressive threat?

So here’s a tiny little reminder of how in today’s world, even a “Good morning” can cause workplace trauma, spark an HR investigation, and leave someone emotionally concussed before their first coffee.

Yeah, this is a joke. But if we continue down the path we’re going, it might not be in the near future.

Shalom Aleichem