Part of the ‘Not Quiet What You Meant’ series

By: Ezra Nadav

For years, “positive thinking” has been marketed as the secret to success. From self-help books to Instagram mantras, the message has been consistent: if you just focus on the good, the good will follow. But life is more complicated than a motivational poster, and the truth is that positive thinking alone rarely gets us through the moments that matter most.

What gets us through? Resilience and mental toughness.

The Problem with Positive Thinking

The flaw in the “just think positive” approach is that it often denies reality. When challenges come—illness, job loss, financial stress, or unexpected crises—telling yourself everything will be fine doesn’t change the fact that it isn’t. Worse, it can create guilt and shame when optimism fails to make the pain go away. People begin to think: If I’m struggling, maybe I’m just not positive enough. That’s not only unhelpful—it’s cruel.

Resilience Is About Adaptation, Not Denial

Resilience acknowledges hardship. It says: “This is difficult. I didn’t choose it. But I can work with it.” Resilient people don’t ignore pain; they adapt to it, recover from it, and sometimes even grow through it. Mental toughness adds another layer: the discipline to keep going even when motivation and optimism are gone. It’s what allows athletes to finish races they have no chance of winning, workers to keep showing up under pressure, and individuals to rebuild after devastation.

The Primary Tool of Resilience

At the heart of resilience is a deceptively simple skill: the ability to separate what is within our control from what is outside it.

• Within control are our actions, habits, and mindset: the steps we can take today, the boundaries we can set, the conversations we choose to have.
• Outside control are other people’s choices, systemic barriers, unpredictable events, and the broader swirl of life we cannot command.

This distinction is not just theoretical. It’s the hinge between helplessness and agency. Positive thinking tells us to “hope for the best.” Resilience asks: What’s one action I can take today that’s within my control?

Take, for example, a Jewish professional who faces antisemitic comments in the workplace. Positive thinking alone might sound like: Just ignore it, stay positive, and maybe it will pass. But that doesn’t change the harm or stop the pattern. Resilience looks different: it might involve documenting incidents, seeking allies, setting firm boundaries, or engaging HR processes. The individual cannot control the prejudiced behaviour of others—but they can control their response, their self-care practices, and their choice to stand with supportive colleagues. Each action within their control builds strength and interrupts the cycle of passivity.

Why This Distinction Matters

When we celebrate only positive thinking, we set people up to fail when positivity inevitably runs dry. But when we teach resilience and toughness, we equip people with realistic tools: emotional regulation, boundary setting, and the ability to endure discomfort without collapsing. It’s not about pretending everything is fine—it’s about facing reality and still choosing to act.

Building Mental Fitness for the Future

The challenges of our time—climate anxiety, economic instability, political upheaval—require more than cheerful affirmations. They demand communities and individuals who can bend without breaking, who can absorb setbacks and continue to act with purpose. Positive thinking may make us feel good for a moment; resilience and mental toughness help us survive and thrive over the long haul.

So perhaps the real mantra isn’t “think positive,” but “act resilient.” Because the future doesn’t belong to those who pretend things are fine—it belongs to those who can face reality, act on what’s in their control, and keep going.

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Shalom Aleichem

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